


The Wonderful Wizard of Yu-Gi-Oh!

by WingsofLight



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Mild Language, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsofLight/pseuds/WingsofLight
Summary: Just a joke piece of the Yu-Gi-Oh! characters as The Wizard of Oz.I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or anything affiliated with it. It is owned by Kazuki Takahashi, Toei, Shueisha, Konami, etc. I do not own The Wizard of Oz. It belongs to L Frank Baum estate. I make no money from writing these stories.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	The Wonderful Wizard of Yu-Gi-Oh!

The Wonderful Wizard of Yu-Gi-Oh!

Yugi yawned loudly, then stretched. He was exhausted. He couldn’t wait to crawl into bed under the warm covers and give the day up for done. But first, he was extremely hungry. He knew it wasn’t good for him to eat before going to bed, but he knew his growling stomach would keep him awake, so he walked into the kitchen, flipped on the lights, and opened the refrigerator. What greeted him first was a pizza box and he pulled it out, setting it on the counter, and flipping open the lid to reveal four slices still sitting on the grease-spotted cardboard bottom. 

Yugi grabbed a bottle of soda out of the fridge and stood at the counter, eating cold pizza and drinking from the bottle, too hungry and tired to be bothered with the microwave or even dishes. 

Pizza scarfed and soda guzzled, Yugi sleepily pawed the light switch off and trudged upstairs to his room, undressing as he crossed the floor and collapsing into bed in only his boxers. The Puzzle he just shoved out of his way as he went. Face down, he was asleep before the sheets had even warmed beneath him. 

******

Yugi blearily opened his eyes to bright sunshine streaming through the curtains. He yawned, then pushed himself upright, blinking through the haze of having just awoken. He really should turn off that alarm, it was--

A dog barking.

Surprised, Yugi turned his head. There on the floor beside him was a tiny black dog, yapping repeatedly and running back and forth at the side of the bed. Yugi stared at the dog for several minutes, still on his hands and knees in the middle of his bed, unable to get his brain into gear. Finally he realized that he was not hallucinating the dog and he slowly moved to sit at the edge of the bed.

“Hey, boy. What are you doing in here?”

Yugi realized that his room didn’t look right. The walls were made of wood, not plaster, and the floor was also wood and not carpeted. Across the room, on the wall, was a set of three wooden pegs and from each hung a dress. A tall mirror stood on its feet beside these pegs and a beat up high boy rested against another wall. The final wall was taken up by a large dry sink, on which stood a pitcher, a bowl of water, an old-fashioned hairbrush, and a hand towel.

“What’s going on here?”

On the floor by the bed, the dog was pulling on the hem of his--

Dress.

Yugi shot to his feet, causing the little dog to yelp and run from him. Yugi didn’t notice; he stood staring down at himself. He hurried across the room to the mirror, causing the dog to scatter again, and stood staring at his reflection. He looked the same, from the spiky hair to the violet eyes to the short, lean body, but he was wearing a blue-and-white checkered dress with a white apron, calf-length white socks, and worn leather slippers. 

Mouth open in a round O, Yugi looked frantically around the room, then at the mirror again.

“What is going on here?!” he repeated, with more concern than before.

The tiny black dog stood a few feet from him, barking at him. It barked, ran through the doorway, returned, barked, and ran out of the room again. Yugi ignored it, looking at the dresses on the pegs, then going to the highboy and then the closet. All girls clothes. Dresses, checkered, flowered, or solid color. One other pair of worn leather girl’s shoes. Knee socks, ankle socks, camisoles, panties.

Yugi felt his face grow hot. But, yes, he could feel it. His outfit was complete inside and out. And there was nothing even remotely masculine to change into.

The little dog was still trying to get him to leave the room. Having no other choice, and wondering if he would be able to find some sort of explanation, Yugi left the room behind the little dog, finding himself in an old-fashioned living area. It was a combined kitchen, dining room, and living room. A cook stove stood near a battered table and chairs, there was a ratty old armchair, two wooden rocking chairs, a knitted rug on the floor, and pots and pans hanging from pegs on the wall. 

The little dog barked at him, then scampered to the door, which stood ajar. Bright sunshine continued to pour inside.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

No answer, but the yappy little dog. Yugi dreaded going outside in the dress, but he saw no alternative. No one else was in this house.

Yugi stepped to the doorway, then stood with his mouth open again. The door opened onto a bright countryside unlike anything he had seen before. The house was just situated in the middle of bright green grass, with huge plants and gigantic bright flowers springing up everywhere. Birds were twittering in trees bearing lush fruit, and a bunny hopped out of sight under a bush. 

Yugi stepped hesitantly out onto the grass, then saw to his amazement that just to the right of the house, which he saw was leaning drunkenly as if it had been dropped onto the ground, were more houses. Strange houses, round with domed tops, all blue, and with very well-kept lawns and gardens.

There were people, too. Three little men, and a little woman, about his height. The men were middle-aged, almost identical in blue clothes and shoes and round hats, with beards and solemn, frightened expressions. The little woman wore white, was very old and wrinkled, and held what looked exactly like a magic wand in her hand with a silver star on top, like a little girl would carry while trick-or-treating.

“Um, hello,” Yugi said, feeling his face grow hot again, as he knew he was standing there in a dress. 

“Hello,” the little old woman said. “Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?”

Yugi stared, the question catching him so off-guard that he could not speak for a moment. Finally he stammered, “ Wh-what?”

“Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?” the little old woman asked again. “The Munchkins, the little people who live in this land, would very much like to know.”

Yugi stared again. “Um, I’m not a witch. I’m just a boy.” 

The little men in blue looked at one another and the woman blinked. “Then why are you wearing a dress?”

Face burning, Yugi shrugged. “I don’t know. I woke up like this.” Then something occurred to him. He looked around again, then at the little dog, which was standing at his feet, eyes on the woman with the wand, completely silent now. “Oh, I get it,” Yugi said with relief. “This is a dream.”

Yes, it had to be one. It was the only logical explanation. And yet, if he knew it was a dream, why didn’t he wake up?

“A dream?” the little woman in white asked. 

“Yes, a dream.” Yugi felt much better. “It’s a dream. I’ll wake up soon. I’m not really standing here in a dress, talking to a woman who is asking me if I’m a good or bad witch, outside a house in the middle of nowhere.”

“This is not nowhere, dear, it’s Munchkinland.”

Why did that word sound familiar? Yugi couldn’t place it, and he decided not to try. It was just a dream after all. He merely nodded, trying to be polite, even to a figment of his imagination. 

“And, if you are not a witch, then how did you come to drop your house on the Wicked Witch of East, and free these people from bondage?”

Yugi looked to where she pointed with her wand and gave a gasp of horror. A pair of legs, clothed in black-and-white striped stockings, with shiny red slippers on, were sticking out from under the edge of the house. Whomever they belonged to was clearly dead.

“Oh, no! I’m sorry! I-I-”

“Do not apologize,” the little woman in white said. “For it is a very good thing. The Wicked Witch of the East is dead. You dropped a house on her, and the Munchkins are very grateful.”

“But I didn’t.”

“But you must have. For there is the house, and here you are, and that’s all that remains of the Witch.”

“But--”

“Now, where are you from, my dear?”

“Japan,” Yugi said, feeling faint. Then he remembered that this was a dream. He hadn’t really killed anyone. “Domino, Japan.”

The little woman’s brow wrinkled still further. “I have never heard of Japan. Is it a civilized country?”

“Well, yes. Very much so. There’s--”

“Then that is why I haven’t heard of it. For in civilized countries, there are no witches left, nor wizards or sorcerers, nor magicians. But the Land of Oz has never been civilized, and so we have witches like myself.”

“Are you a real witch?” Yugi asked, surprised.

“Oh, yes. I am the Good Witch of the North. Do you see that I wear white? Only witches wear white, and you are as well, in your… dress.”

Yugi decided not to be embarrassed this time. It was just a dream. “Oh. Then why didn’t you free these people from the Wicked Witch of the East, if you’re a witch, too?”

“I was not as powerful, and so it is fortunate that you came and freed them. Now. What will you do?”

“I’d like to wake up.”

“Wake up? Darling, you’re not dreaming. You have killed the--”

“Wicked Witch of the East, I know. I just need to wake up, and then I’ll be home in bed in Japan.”

“You wish to return to Japan? I’m afraid I can’t help you, but maybe the great Wizard of Oz can. He lives in the City of Emeralds, at the end of the yellow brick road. In the meantime, here, take these ruby slippers, for they are yours by right of conquest.”

And the little woman went to the corner of the house. Yugi saw that the legs had disappeared, and the bright ruby slippers laying shining, empty, on the grass. The Witch of the North stooped and picked them up, then brought them back, holding them out. 

“No, thank you, I don’t want them. It’s bad enough I’m wearing these.” He pointed to the tattered leather shoes on his feet.

“You won’t get far in those. They are so worn out. Here, take these slippers, dear.”

And she waved the wand in her other hand and the shoes disappeared and reappeared on Yugi’s feet while the leather shoes disappeared. Dismayed, Yugi looked down at the bright, shining shoes. 

“Now, dear, follow the yellow brick road and you will come to the Emerald City. You must speak to the Wizard of Oz, and maybe he can get you home.”

“But all I have to do is wake up.”

“Yes, dear. Go on now, and good luck on your journey, for you will be traveling through bright and lovely places and dark and dangerous places. But first, I will give you a kiss and it may give you some protection, for no one would dare injure a person who has been kissed by the Witch of the North.”

“Oh, thank you, but--”

But as before the Witch of the North didn’t seem to be listening to him. She leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead, and where she did, it felt oddly cool, as if he had something stuck there, but when he rubbed the area, he felt nothing. Then the witch twirled around three times on her heel and was gone. The little men in blue, who had to be the Munchkins, stood staring at him in silence, and the little dog barked at the place where the witch had disappeared.

“Um,” Yugi started.

“Follow the yellow brick road,” the Munchkin in the middle said, and his voice was oddly pitched.

“Follow the yellow brick road,” the second said, his voice, too, high and scratchy.

“But--”

“Follow the yellow brick road,” the third said.

The door on one of the houses opened. A little woman in blue leaned out. “Follow the yellow brick road!” she said in a voice like a mouse. 

A man in blue stood on the other side of a fence that sectioned off another property. “Follow the yellow brick road!”

“All right!” Yugi cried. He sighed in frustration. “Where is it?”

All of the Munchkins pointed to where the yellow brick road started, leading out of the strange little town. Yugi sighed again and looked down at the dog, which was mercifully silent, looking up at him. The tiny tail wagged furiously when the dog saw Yugi was looking at him.

“I wish I knew what your name was,” Yugi said. “Well, come on.”

“Here.”

A Munchkin woman had come up, holding out a wooden picnic basket with a blue cloth over it. Yugi took it, pulling away the cloth. Inside the basket was a loaf of bread, a block of hard cheese, and some apples. 

“Oh, um, thank you.”

The little Munchkin woman merely smiled. “Follow the yellow brick road.”

‘If one more person says that, I’m going to scream,’ Yugi thought.

He turned resolutely to the yellow brick road and started along. Anything to be away from the helium-voiced little people insisting he walk down it. 

“This is just a dream,” Yugi said to himself out loud, walking along the road. The ruby slippers on his feet made clack clack sounds as he walked, and he tried to ignore the feeling of the dress’s skirt whispering around his bare legs. His hairy legs. He looked and felt ridiculous.

After a while, the bright sunshine, bright greenery, and bright chipper chirping of the birds began to become monotonous. Yugi looked at the little black dog that trotted happily beside him, now seeming content and quiet. Yugi stopped, then stooped to the dog, who came right up to his hand, wagging. Yugi saw it had a little collar on and on that collar a tag. He took the tag in his hand and turned it over.

“Hm. Toto. Is that your name?”

The dog’s ecstatic tail wagging was answer enough. Yugi let go of the collar looking down at it. The dog grinned up at him, tail still whipping back and forth, waiting. Yugi frowned, then grabbed his arm and pinched hard. Pain shot through his arm, but the scenery remained the same. Yugi closed his eyes and pinched again, harder, until he thought his skin must break. He opened his eyes, but the bright everything remained.

“Pinching is supposed to work,” he said to the dog, who merely stared at him quizzically, tail still now. 

Nothing. The sun, the birds, the trees, the damn yellow brick road all remained. Yugi got to his feet, then sighed.

“Well, Toto, let’s follow this yellow brick road, then.”

The dog wagged his tail again and hurried down the path. Yugi followed, looking around as he walked. On the left were woods and on the right were farms. He was passing a cornfield, and as he came to its corner, he saw a scarecrow mounted on a pole.

A scarecrow with brown eyes, shaggy blonde hair, and a cheerful grin. Yugi stopped dead, staring, then hurried forward, climbing awkwardly over the split-rail fence and into the cornfield.

“Joey!”

“Hiya, Yug’,” Joey said. “Hey, what am I doing up here?”

Yugi blinked, then looked more closely. But it was Joey, and he was a scarecrow. He wore a plaid shirt, overalls, brown boots, and a straw hat. Straw stuck out from under the hat, from the sleeves of his shirt, his collar, his waistband, and the cuffs of his pants, though his face and hands were flesh. The pole was against his back, stuck through his shirt, and he hung without other support.

“Get me down,” Joey said.

Yugi stepped up, grabbed Joey around the waist and hauled, while Joey pushed against his shoulders and strained. The pole came out of his shirt and he toppled right on top of Yugi, and they both fell to the ground. Joey got off, apologizing as he went.

“Sorry, pal,” Joey said. “Here, let me help you up.”

He grabbed his hands and pulled Yugi to his feet, starting to dust him off. He stopped and took a step back, giving Yugi a weird look.

“Yug’, are you wearing a dress and shiny red shoes?”

“Yes,” Yugi said, brushing himself off. “I’m wearing a dress and shiny red shoes, this little black dog is named Toto, my house that’s not mine crushed the Wicked Witch of the East, and I’m following this yellow brick road to the Wizard of Oz who lives in the Emerald City. It’s a dream.”

“Right,” Joey said, seeming instantly happy with that explanation. Dream logic. “The Wizard of Oz. Like the movie.”

That’s why it seemed familiar. The American movie from the thirties or forties. Yugi had thought everything sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it. That meant it really was a dream. But why was he dreaming this?

“What’s that on your forehead?”

“What?” Yugi reached up, but felt nothing.

“You’ve got a round, shiny mark there. Kind of looks like someone put one of those silver star stickers for kids on your forehead, except it’s a circle.” Yugi rubbed at his forehead, but Joey shook his head. “It’s still there.’

Yugi lowered his hand. “I don’t know. It must have something to do with this dream.”

“Hey, Yug’,” Joey’s voice was suddenly reproachful. “Why am I the scarecrow who needs a brain?”

Yugi shrugged. “It’s just a dream,” he said. “I didn’t mean anything by it, I can’t control it. I’m in a dress and ruby slippers for pete’s sake.”

Joey started laughing. “Yug’, you look really bad.”

“Shut up. Come on, let’s go already. I tried pinching myself awake and it didn’t work. Maybe I need to get to the Emerald City and then I can wake up, since that’s where everyone is telling me to go.”

“Who?” Joey asked, still grinning.

“The Munchkins,” Yugi said with a sigh.

Joey snorted, but fell into step with him. The little dog was circling around them, barking at Joey, but they both ignored it. The cornfield gave away to woods, which were becoming very dark with false twilight. The trees were thick, the branches stretching over the road and blocking the waning sun. Soon Yugi wouldn’t be able to see where he was going, and he would have to stop for the night. He wondered whether there was a paradox in sleeping in a dream you were having while you were asleep. 

“Okay, so, we’re in the Land of Oz, heading down the yellow brick road to see the Wizard,” Joey said as they walked. 

“Right.”

“And you’re Dorothy and I’m the Scarecrow.”

“Don’t call me Dorothy.”

“This is one fucked up dream, Yug’.”

“I know.”

They continued on in silence. Yugi was all but trotting along, determined to find the Emerald City and wake up, and most importantly, get out of the dress. But the woods were getting deeper and darker and he was having trouble seeing. But Joey wasn’t having any trouble at all.

“Hey, I can see perfectly well in here,” he said when Yugi complained about the darkness. “It doesn’t affect me at all.”

Yugi grabbed his arm. “Then lead me through. I want to find the Wizard and get out of here.”

Joey laughed, but dutifully linked his arm and walked on. “Hey, aren’t we supposed to skip along?”

“No.”

Joey laughed again at Yugi’s angry, curt reply. They walked on, the dog running forward and coming back, over and over. As Yugi walked, he heard his stomach growl. Joey looked over, then pointed at the basket.

“Got food in there?”

“Yes. Bread and cheese and apples. The Munchkins gave them to me.”

“Well, we can stop and you can eat. I think this has to be a dream for me to say this, but I’m not hungry at all.”

“I’m not stopping. The longer we walk, the sooner we’ll get there.”

“Yeah, but dream or not, your stomach’s saying you’re hungry. Isn’t it hurting?”

It was, which disturbed Yugi. Wasn’t pain supposed to be nonexistent, or at least muted in dreams? He really felt hungry. Starving in fact. 

He sighed and pushed back the blanket, grabbing the loaf of bread. “I’ll eat while we walk--don’t stop.”

“Gotcha. Man, it’s weird seeing food and not wanting to eat it. Your dream is crueler to me every minute.”

Yugi didn’t reply, stuffing the bread into his mouth and taking off an enormous bite. He didn’t care about manners. It was a dream, after all, and he was hungry, tired, and irritable. He felt ludicrous with every step in those shoes and dress, acutely aware, despite his best efforts, of the hem brushing against his legs, the breeze against his knees, and the lace at the collar and sleeves. 

He wolfed down most of the bread, then realized the dog was walking right beside him, pacing him, looking up at him with the big brown eyes. Yugi looked at the small hunk of bread still in his hand, then tossed it down. The dog stopped and sniffed at it, then hurried to catch up, whining. Apparently the bread was not what it wanted.

Yugi took out the cheese, taking a huge bite. It had a hard rind, but the inside was soft and tasty. Yugi shifted it to the hand of the arm holding the basket, the one linked through with Joey’s, and tore off a piece, which he threw to the dog. The dog stopped, sniffed, then snapped it up. Yugi and Joey continued on, but the dog quickly caught up, whining for more. Yugi threw it another piece, then tore off a chunk and crammed it into his mouth.

“Man, Yug’, you’re eatin’ like me.”

“It’s just a dream,” Yugi responded through a mouthful of cheese. “I don’t care about manners.”

Joey shrugged and continued on, leading him along the path he could only just now barely see. Yugi chewed and swallowed with difficulty, then threw the last of the cheese to the dog and closed the basket, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He felt better, despite it being a dream where he shouldn’t be hungry or tired. His feet ached in the ruby slippers, but he didn’t want to stop. 

They rounded a bend in the road, when Yugi heard a groan. Joey heard it too, for he stopped and looked around.

“Where’d that come from?” he asked.

The groan sounded again. It sounded like a person in distress. Concerned, even though whoever it was was part of the dream, Yugi looked around. It sounded like it had come from in the woods, just off the path. Yugi looked up at Joey.

“It sounds like someone’s hurt. Let’s go and see.”

Joey turned off the road and led Yugi through the bushes, until they had walked a little way into the trees. Then Yugi saw him, a man, standing near a tree, holding an axe above his head. He wasn’t moving, but the groan came again, and it was coming from him. Yugi let go of Joey’s arm and hurried forward, aware as he went that the person seemed to being shining in what little light filtered through the leaves.

“It’s the Tin Woodsman,” Joey said, coming up behind him. “I think. That’s how the movie goes, anyway.”

And so it was. But it wasn’t just the tin woodsman.

“Kaiba?” Yugi asked in amazement.

It was indeed Kaiba, standing beside the tree, holding the axe up in the air above his head. His skin, hair, and eyes were the bright silver of tin, but otherwise it was Kaiba exactly, from the severe haircut, to the trench coat, to the duel card pendant, only made entirely of metal and holding an axe. And frozen stiff.

Joey about killed himself laughing. Yugi, too worried over the fact that Kaiba wasn’t moving, didn’t find anything funny at all as he tried to find the reason Kaiba was frozen in place.

“Kaiba? What’s the matter? Can’t you move?”

The eyes were silver, but they glared at Yugi with the familiar anger and disdain he knew well. Those eyes told Yugi he had asked a stupid question with an obvious answer. 

“I’m rusted through,” Kaiba said, in a voice nearly impossible to hear, because his mouth couldn’t move. “Find me the oilcan.”

Joey had fallen right over laughing. Toto was barking madly, dashing around in circles around Kaiba, but Yugi didn’t stop to shush either of them. He looked around frantically, then saw the oilcan on a stump a little ways away. He ran to it, snatched it up, then ran back to Kaiba. He quickly squirted oil into the joints at Kaiba’s hips, knees, and ankles, but Kaiba was too tall for him to reach anywhere else.

“Joey, get up and help. Get his arms, and his neck, and his jaw.”

“Why should I?” Joey asked, reclining contently on the leaf-strewn ground, grinning like his birthday, Christmas, and graduation had all come together. “He seems fine to me.”

“Wheeler, you brainless dog, oil me,” Kaiba said through clenched teeth. 

Joey glared, getting to his feet. “Hey, I may be the Scarecrow in Yug’s weird little fantasy, but I ain’t brainless. Besides, what are you going to do if I don’t? You’re rusted stiff.”

But Yugi had oiled Kaiba’s body from the waist down, and the shiny silver left leg shot out, kicking Joey in the shin. Joey didn’t seem to feel any pain, but he still glared. Kaiba kicked him again, moving awkwardly as his upper body was still frozen, axe over his head and jaw locked shut. 

“Oil me,” Kaiba snapped. “Hurry up, you sack of straw.”

“Joey, please, help him,” Yugi said, pressing the oilcan into Joey’s hands. 

“All right, all right. But you kick me again, and I’m making soup cans outta ya.”

Joey reluctantly took the oilcan and oiled Kaiba’s armpits, elbows, wrists, neck, and lastly, his jaw. Kaiba let his arms down with visible relief, moving his jaw up and down and then he glared at Yugi like he’d like nothing better than to swing the axe into his face.

“What is going on here?”

“It’s just a dream,” Yugi said. “My dream. We’re in the Land of Oz, going to see the Wizard, and Joey’s the Scarecrow and you’re the Tin Woodsman, and I’m Do--I’m just trying to wake up.”

Kaiba’s silver eyes ran over Yugi’s body and he blinked several times. “Are you in a dress?”

“And shiny bright slippers,” Joey said with a wide grin.

“*Yes*,” Yugi snapped. “What part of ‘it’s a dream’ did you not hear?”

Toto the dog was barking up a storm. Kaiba glared at it, then raised the axe. Yugi snatched the dog from danger, holding him in his arms. “Don’t do that, he doesn’t know any better.”

“If it’s a dream, it doesn’t matter,” Kaiba said. But he threw the axe down and folded his arms in the classic Kaiba pose. “And if this is a dream, you’re weirder than I ever took you for.”

“I can’t control what I dream.”

“I’d ask what you dream about, Kaiba, but robots don’t dream, do they?” Joey said scathingly. “Hey! You’re all shiny and metal. Now you’re a robot for real.”

“And you are a brainless moron with a head full of stuffing, just like in reality,” Kaiba said with a nasty smile. “I guess this dream isn’t that far from reality after all.”

“What?! Come on, pick up that axe. I’ll--”

“Enough!” Yugi said. “We’re going to the see the Wizard, who will hopefully ‘send me back home’ and I can wake up and end this. Kaiba, Joey and me are following the yellow brick road. Are you coming or not?”

“Land of Oz and the Wizard?” Kaiba asked, his brow furrowing, which was a neat trick with tin. “This sounds familiar. Is he in the Ruby City?”

“Emerald City,” Joey corrected. “It’s the shoes that are ruby.”

“I thought they were silver.”

“They’re ruby. It’s always the ruby slippers.”

“In the movie, but the original story was a book. Of course, you have to be literate to--”

“Hey, I can read just fine, Moneybags.”

“Stop,” Yugi said. “Yes, Kaiba, the Emerald City. The Wizard of Oz.”

“Why don’t you just click the stupid shoes together? Isn’t that how it ends anyway?”

Yugi’s mouth opened in surprise, then he looked down eagerly at the shoes glittering dully even in the near lack of light. Kaiba was right. At the end, Dorothy only had to click the heels together three times to get home. Joey, who seemed to delight in this, grinned fiendishly again.

“Don’t forget to close your eyes and say, ‘There’s no place like home’, Yug’.”

Yugi glared at him, but did as he said. He closed his eyes, then clicked the heels together. “There’s no place like home.”

“You look ridiculous,” Kaiba said.

Dismayed, Yugi opened his eyes. Joey and Kaiba still stood before him, one made of straw, the other of tin. The dog stood beside him, tail wagging slowly, looking confused. Yugi looked around at the shadowy forest, then tried again, clicking the heels three times with his eyes closed, murmuring the line three times. But when he opened his eyes, nothing had changed.

“What’s going on? Why didn’t it work?”

“I don’t know,” Joey said. “Isn’t that how it ends? Kaiba, what about the book? She do that in the book?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“You knew the shoes were silver. How’d you know that if you didn’t read it?”

“I heard it somewhere, I guess. Do I look like the kind of person who reads children’s fantasy books?”

“You were a kid once. Maybe. You had to be nicer and innocent at one point, or were you a dick even then?”

Before Kaiba could reply, Yugi cut in. “I think she does do it in the book. I kind of remember reading it once now that Kaiba mentioned the silver shoes. I did read it, when I was little, but I don’t remember if she says, ‘There’s no place like home’. It was a long time ago. Wait. Pinching myself didn’t work, and clicking the heels didn’t work. But I found Toto first, and then the Wicked Witch of the East, then Joey, and then you, Kaiba. Maybe I have to do this like the story goes. I have to find the Emerald City and get the Wizard to tell me to click the heels, and then I can go.”

“What about the Cowardly Lion?” Joey asked.

Yugi blinked. “Oh, right. Um, don’t they find him along the road? Come on, let’s go, we’ll find the Lion, then we’ll go the City. But quick, because I want out of this dress.”

“I think you look quite darling.”

“Joey, shut up, or I’ll let Kaiba chop you up and feed you to some cows.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Kaiba bent and picked up the axe. 

“All right, all right. Come on, let’s go. Hey! Kaiba’s the Tin Woodsman! That means he has no heart. Yugi’s subconscious is putting us in roles he thinks we--”

Joey broke off and looked upset. Kaiba, smiled cruelly, nodded. “If I have no heart, you have no brains. So you’re right about that, Wheeler.”

“Yug-”

“It’s just a dream,” Yugi said hastily. “I’m supposed to find the Scarecrow first, and you’re my best friend, so you turned up first. The Woodsman was next, and he’s a guy, so it couldn’t be Tea, and--”

“Nice save, Yug’,” Joey said, with a mix of annoyance and affection. “Come on, let’s find the stupid Cowardly Lion and get out of here. Then, when we wake up, I’ll really give you a piece of my mind.”

“What mind?” Kaiba asked, clearly enjoying himself now. 

“Rich Boy--”

“You won’t wake up, Joey, just me,” Yugi intervened again. “It’s my dream. You won’t remember… thankfully.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess you’d say that, ‘cause if I remembered you were in a dress, I’d never let you forget it. Come on, let’s go. It’s getting real dark.” He linked his arm with Yugi again, then looked over his shoulder at Kaiba. “Come on, if you’re comin’, but I’ll pray for rain just the same.”

“Kaiba, you can put the oilcan in my basket,” Yugi said. “We should probably keep it. If I can get hungry and tired, you can rust again.”

Kaiba snatched up the oilcan and shoved it into the basket. “Freud would have a banner day with you, Yugi.”

Choosing not to respond to that, Yugi started off with Joey. Kaiba walked behind them, angrily silent, his tin boots making metallic thuds against the brick to counterpoint the clack of Yugi’s heels. He carried the axe in his hand, apparently dictated by the rules of the dream to keep it with him, just as Joey kept the hat on his head and Yugi the basket. 

The woods were all but night dark now. Yugi hoped they found the Lion soon, but he feared they would have to stop and spend the night. His legs felt like lead. Eventually, they had no choice. Yugi was all but falling down with exhaustion and he couldn’t see anything beyond Joey right next to him. Joey noticed.

“Hey, Yug’, you’re about to fall over. You’d better stop and sleep. I ain’t tired at all, but I’m made of straw.”

“I don’t want to stop,” Yugi said, aware that he sounded like he was about to start snoring any second. “I want this over with.”

“Maybe when you fall asleep here, you’ll wake up. You know, like falling in a dream. You always wake up before you hit.”

Yugi hadn’t thought of that. He looked over his shoulder at Kaiba, who was still walking behind them. “You know, in the movie, the Scarecrow already has his brains, and Joey just thought of something you didn’t. He’s smarter than you take him for, you know.”

Kaiba glared, but said, “Just fall asleep.”

“Where?” Yugi asked, looking around. “There’s just woods.”

“Lay down on the ground,” Joey said. “If it don’t work, I’m not going to sleep, so I’ll watch out for bad things. Kaiba, too. He ain’t going to sleep, but I meant I’ll watch out for him, too.”

Kaiba glared at Joey, then walked away a few paces. He stopped, across the brick road, and stood with his back to them, arms folded. Yugi moved to the other side, where a tree stood right at the edge, and settled himself down. As he sat down, he had to rearrange the skirt to keep it from flipping up and exposing him. Joey stood in front of him, looking like he was struggling not to laugh. Yugi gave him a warning glare, rearranging the skirt and tucking his legs under him, determined that Joey would never see that he was wearing panties on under the dress. At least he was still male. Though whether that was better or worse, he wasn’t sure.

He leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes, hoping that falling asleep in a dream would be like falling in a dream. And he would wake up and try to forget this had ever happened.

But when Yugi opened his eyes, it was to sun filtering through leaves and the distant chirping of birds. Joey stood right where he’d been when Yugi had gone to sleep, standing and facing him, unmoving. Kaiba stood behind Joey, across the road, arms folded over his chest with the axe pressed against him and his back to them. The little dog lay beside him, head on his lap. Yugi moaned in disappointment, sitting up and wincing at the cricks in his spine. 

“Oh, no, it didn’t work.”

“Guess not,” Joey said. “I’ve been standing here for hours. And it’s weird not being tired or hungry, but I can still be bored.”

“If you’re awake, let’s go,” Kaiba said without turning around. 

Yugi climbed stiffly to his feet, Joey bending down to help him. Toto ran around, tail wagging, then went from tree to tree by the path, sniffing at each. Joey looked down at the dog, then smiled, speaking a stage whisper, intentionally loud enough to hear.

“Hey, hey. Toto. You gotta pee? Go pee on Kaiba, boy. Tin statues are fun to pee on.”

“Wheeler…”

Yugi couldn’t help giggling as the dog stood looking up at Joey, tail wagging slowly. Kaiba started moving, turning toward the direction they’d been walking toward, his feet still making metallic clangs. The dog watched him, tail no longer wagging, then turned and ran away into the woods. Yugi finished stretching the kinks out of his body and picked up the basket, in which there were still a few apples to eat. 

“Okay, let’s go.”

They started down the path again, this time Kaiba leading. Toto joined them a few minutes later, running around to sniff at trees and flowers and whatever else caught his interest. After a bit, Yugi realized he had to relieve himself, another suspiciously realistic occurrence in this dream. He excused himself, ignoring Joey’s amused expression as he trotted away into the trees in his dress and slippers. 

When he was done, he joined the Scarecrow and Tin Woodsman back on the path, both of whom were waiting, as still and silent as statues until Yugi came close, which was disturbing. Why didn’t they move until Yugi addressed them? Was it part of the dream logic? 

They started on the journey again, and Joey walked beside Yugi, looking around until finally he said, “Come on, Yug’, where’s that Cowardly Lion?”

“I don’t know,” Yugi said. He was getting really tired of walking along this yellow brick road through the woods.

“It’s your dream!”

“I know! But if I had control over it, I wouldn’t be walking around in a dress. He’ll show up. Hopefully.”

As if to prove him right, a terrific roar sounded through the woods. All four of them stopped, Toto yipping in surprise. Relieved, Yugi hurried forward a few paces.

“Okay, Cowardly Lion, come ou--”

The bushes by the roadside burst open and out came the Lion, pouncing upon Toto, who gave a doggy scream, and smashing him to the brick road. Yugi whirled around, about to go to the dog’s rescue, when he saw who it was.

“Tristan?”

Tristan, seeming wearing a man-size version of a child’s footy pajamas in the shape of a lion, complete with maned hood, looked up. The dog was pinned beneath his paw-gloved hands, whining and struggling. Tristan’s face looked the same as always, except there appeared to be whiskers growing out of his cheeks, and the maned hood appeared to be attached to his scalp, from which rose the trademark forehead hair spike.

Joey bent double laughing. Yugi sighed, and said, “Hi, Tristan.”

Tristan got up, letting the dog go. He stood on his feet, looking more and more like an oversized kid in a lion costume, and spread his paw-hands. “What the hell, Yugi?”

Everyone seemed to know instinctively that this was Yugi’s fault. Yugi shrugged his shoulders. “It’s a dream,” he said.

“Yeah, T. Yug’s dreaming we’re in Oz, and he’s Dorothy--yeah, that’s him in a dress--” Tristan stared at Yugi, which embarrassed him despite his resolve not to care. “--and that’s Kaiba the Tin Woodsman and me, the Scarecrow. You’re the Cowardly Lion, by the way.”

Tristan looked down at himself, then looked at Yugi with a hurt look. “Do you really think I’m cowardly, Yugi?”

“It’s just a dream,” Yugi said hastily. “I don’t think any of this, really. Come on, we found you, so let’s go to the Emerald City and find the Wizard.”

Tristan looked around helplessly. Joey nodded in understanding. “Yeah, it’s fucked up. So let’s just go with it, okay, T?”

“Okay.”

The five of them started along the path again, Toto the dog putting some good distance between himself and Tristan. Yugi remembered vaguely something about the Cowardly Lion trying to eat Toto until Dorothy put a stop to it and befriended him. It seemed everyone was in the role of the movie until Yugi met them, after which they knew exactly that something was wrong and it was Yugi’s fault. Still, this was just a dream, and their feelings and bodies didn’t matter, for when Yugi woke up, he’d be the only one who remembered, and he’d never tell any of his friends in real life, not least of which because he was in a dress. 

“So, T, is that a lion suit or is that your skin?” Joey asked curiously as they walked.

Tristan turned his paw-hands around. The lion skin, if it was real, hung from his body in a baggy way, like the suit of the Cowardly Lion in the movie, which Yugi was remembering more and more the farther the dream went. He thought that the Lion was really a lion in the book, but the dream seemed to be mixing both storylines together. 

Tristan shrugged, reaching up to tug on the mane, which didn’t leave his head. 

“I guess it’s my skin, but it looks like it’s fake, doesn’t it? What about you?”

Joey patted his chest. “Straw. See, you can hear it rustle. It’s like my body is made of clothes stuffed with straw, but my head and hands look like skin.”

“Weird.”

“It’s how it looked in the movie,” Yugi said.

“Kaiba, are you really made of tin?” Tristan asked.

Kaiba refused to reply. But Joey laughed and had great fun in telling Tristan that Kaiba had been rusted stiff when they met him, which made Tristan join in in laughing. Yugi couldn’t help a grin, but Kaiba kept walking ahead of them without looking back, pretending he didn’t hear. 

“Yugi, what’s the shiny thing on your forehead?” Tristan asked. “I don’t remember that.”

“I don’t know, it’s just been there. Joey noticed it when I saw him.”

“It’s the mark of the Witch of the North,” Kaiba said from in front. “It’s only in the book.”

Joey stared suspiciously at Kaiba’s back. “You seem to know an awful lot about this story, Kaiba.”

Kaiba didn’t reply. But at least Yugi now knew what the mark was-- he wondered if she had placed it there when she’d kissed him. 

They continued walking down the yellow brick, and finally, mercifully, they were free of the woods. The bright sunshine flowed down from the sky, warm against Yugi’s skin, and he wondered how he could feel the sun so intensely in a dream. It was a very vivid dream. 

The yellow brick path continued through softly rolling green hills before abruptly coming upon a great river. The path went right down to the water, broke off, then continued again on the other side. But the river was clearly too wide, too deep, and too swiftly moving to ford. 

“Now what?” Tristan asked.

“Hey, Kaiba, can’t you take that axe and chop down a tree?” Joey said. “We can chop it up and make a raft, can’t we?”

Kaiba glared at Joey. Joey glared back and held out his hand. “Then give it to me and I’ll do it.”

Kaiba thrust the axe out at Joey, who took it and walked over to a small tree. He hefted the axe and swung it, but it barely bit into the trunk. Looking surprised, Joey tried to haul it out, but though the head had bit only about a third deep, he couldn’t remove it. 

“What’s wrong?” Yugi asked.

“I can’t get this damn thing out,” Joey grunted, pulling and wiggling the axe. 

Tristan walked over, grabbed the axe, and pulled it out easily. Joey, who had still been holding onto the handle, was hit in the chest by the back of the axe head as it came out and flew back like he’d been kicked by a horse. He hit the path on his back, then lay there in the road, blinking. Tristan, dropping the axe, hurried to his side with Yugi. Toto ran over and sniffed at Joey, whining.

“Joey, are you hurt?” Yugi asked.

“No,” Joey said, still blinking at the sky. “That didn’t hurt at all, but what the hell?”

“It’s because you’re made of straw,” Kaiba said from the side of the road, smirking. “You’re light in the head and now in the body.”

Joey scrambled up, his hat falling off his head, and glared at Kaiba. “You’re the Tin Woodsman, so chop!”

“Hmph.” But Kaiba walked over and picked up the axe. He glared at Yugi. “You are lucky this is a dream and none of us but you will remember it.”

Then he swung the axe and sank the blade deep into the trunk. He ripped the axe out easily, then swung again, and again. Wood chips flew and the cut in the trunk grew at a rapid pace, as Kaiba was indeed a woodsman doing what he was meant to do and, as he was made of tin, untiring. Yugi settled down in the grass beside the road, watching, Toto the dog running up and down the bank of the river, exploring. Tristan sat beside Yugi, sitting cross-legged despite being a lion, and Joey picked up his hat, brushed it off, and put it back on his head. He looked over at Tristan and Yugi realized he was holding a lion’s tail in his paw-hands, twisting the fur bob on the end absently. 

“You have a tail, too, T?” Joey asked.

“I’m a lion,” Tristan replied, still playing with the bob. He turned his head toward Yugi.

Yugi looked away hastily, legs tucked under him as he couldn’t sit cross-legged in a skirt, watching Toto. The dog approached Kaiba curiously and got too close: a wood chip flew and hit him in the nose. He yelped and then came running to Yugi, crying pathetically. Yugi picked him up and put him in his lap, stroking his curly black fur until he settled down, after which he was content to sit with Yugi. 

Kaiba chopped the tree until the wedge nearly went through the trunk, then set the axe down, put his shining silver hands against the trunk, and pushed. With a groan and then a loud crack, the rest of the trunk snapped and the tree fell with a crash, starting Toto barking furiously. Yugi put him on the ground and got to his feet with Tristan. Kaiba had moved to the top of the tree with his axe and started chopping through the trunk again to get only a piece of trunk and none of the branches and foliage. He got through it quickly and soon had a length of trunk about ten feet long. But, even as fast as he was, and untiring, the sun was starting to go down. 

Tristan yawned. The teeth in his mouth were long, sharp fangs. “I’m hungry,” he said. 

“Eat the dog,” Kaiba replied, chopping lengthwise through the trunk to split it in half. “That thing is getting on my nerves.”

Toto, who had been exploring silently again, was oblivious. Tristan looked at him, and Yugi had the horrible feeling he was considering it.

“Don’t!”

“But I’m hungry, Yugi,” Tristan whined. “You dreamed me up as a lion…thing and now you’re mad because I want to eat some meat?”

“But he’s just a little dog. There has to be something in there you can eat.” Yugi pointed to the woods in the distance.

“What, hunt?”

“You’re a lion, aren’t you?” Joey said rhetorically.

Tristan’s eyes lit up after a second. “Say, yeah. That kind of sounds like fun.”

“Should we split up?” Yugi worried. “The North Witch told me this place is dark and dangerous for us as well as… bright and lovely, I think she said. You don’t want to get into trouble.”

“So eat the dog,” Kaiba said. 

“No!” 

“Then I’ll have to go hunt,” Tristan said. “You’re not giving me any choice.” Then he hesitated. “But it is pretty dark in there. And if the witch said it would be dangerous, too…”

“If you’re afraid, maybe the river has some fish,” Joey suggested. 

“I don’t have a fishing pole.”

A loud snap drew their attention. Kaiba had grabbed a branch about four inches thick and snapped it off like it was a toothpick. He tore off the end with leaves, then threw it toward them. “There’s the pole, now find some string or something. Yugi still has apples in his basket for bait and you can use the metal hinge on the handle for a hook.”

“That was nice of you, Kaiba,” Yugi said, setting down the basket and getting to work prying the handle off.

Kaiba picked up his axe and went back to chopping. “I just wanted him to shut up.”

Yugi smiled, twisting the piece of handle back and forth until it came free of the woven reeds. He pulled the piece of metal out, then held it out to Tristan, who took it, but looked bemused.

“What am I supposed to use for string?”

“Here.” Joey took the blanket from the basket and tried to tear it, but he lacked strength made of straw. Angry, he thrust it out at Tristan. “Here.”

Tristan took it, then suddenly extended sharp, hooked claws. Unlike the Cowardly Lion in the movie, his paw-hands were tipped with the wicked claws of a real lion. He used these to tear a strip of cloth off the blanket, tearing the piece again and again until he had a very narrow piece. Then he squeezed the thin piece of metal until it formed an awkward hook on one end and was bent so far on the other that it formed a circle. Through this he threaded the piece of cloth, then tied the other end of the cloth securely to the end of the pole.

“Will it work?” Joey asked, looking dubiously at the awkward, improvised fishing pole.

“Only one way to find out,” Tristan said, using his claws to cut a section out of one of the withered apples from the basket.

Kaiba was still at the tree. He had worked more than halfway down the trunk and was still chopping. Tristan walked to the water’s edge, the piece of apple speared on the hook. He cast it out into the water and sat down on the bank.

“I don’t think they fish in the movie or the book,” Joey remarked to Yugi.

Yugi shrugged. “It’s a dream, so I guess it won’t follow the storyline exactly.”

“That’s not good,” Joey said.

“Why?”

“Because that means anything can happen,” Kaiba said over his chopping. “Including us dying at the end.”

Yugi frowned in concern, but said hesitantly, “But if it’s just a dream, it doesn’t matter, right?”

“Maybe not to you, Yug’, but even if we know we’re a part of your dream, I don’t exactly like the idea of dying,” Joey said.

“Me either,” Tristan said from the edge of the river. 

Disturbed, Yugi turned away and stood looking back at the dark woods from which they’d emerged. Why would figments of a dream be against dying, as if they really had something to lose? Why would his friends think and act for themselves, including having knowledge of being dream figments? Why would being hungry hurt, the sun feel hot, or water drown someone in a dream? 

Yugi decided it was because his subconscious was in control. It knew that sun was supposed to be hot and Joey was supposed to be loud and cheerful and Kaiba distant and abusive and that hunger caused pain, so it made all of those things happen to Yugi. It knew Joey, Tristan, and Kaiba would have a sense of self-preservation in reality, so they did in the dream as well. And dreams were often illogical as well as logical, so all of his friends understood and accepted that they were dream figments, and of course there was the whole matter of them living the Wizard of Oz. Sure, it was an extremely detailed and vivid dream, but he had had vivid dreams before. He would just have to try to detach himself from his subconscious and realize that no one was really in any danger and any embarrassment or hurt here would not exist in the real world.

Yugi turned back to his friends. Joey was standing statue-still on the knoll like he had on the path while Yugi slept, watching Kaiba chopping relentlessly at the tree. Tristan still sat on the bank, patiently waiting for a fish to take the bait of apple, and Toto was tuckered out from exploring and asleep on the sun-warmed grass. 

If this was a dream, and Yugi knew it was, could he control it at all? It seemed that things needed to be played out linearly from start to finish, and they were locked in their roles, but what about the details? Tristan was hungry, and so was Yugi, and probably Toto, too. Could Yugi make Tristan catch a fish? 

Yugi narrowed his eyes at the stream and concentrated, mentally urging Tristan to catch a fish with his improvised pole. Tristan gave a yell of pleasure that sounded half a lion’s roar, and jerked the fishing pole. Toto jerked away, barking furiously, but no one paid him any mind, for Tristan raised the pole and there on the formed hook was a large trout, wriggling madly as it sailed into the air. Tristan swung it to land, then dispatched it with a vicious swipe of his claw-tipped paw. As the fish lay dead on the grass beside him, he lay the pole down and picked it up. The fish was good-sized, probably six or seven pounds. 

“We need a fire to cook it with,” Yugi said. 

“There’s plenty of wood, but what are you going to light it with?” Joey asked.

Yugi hesitated, wondering whether it had been coincidence Tristan had caught a fish or if he really did have some minimal control. He looked around, and spied some rocks along the shoreline. Maybe he could snap them together to create sparks. He didn’t really have that much knowledge of how that worked or what type of rocks were needed, but maybe that didn’t matter.

Soon he had a small pile of tinder set up into a cone, covered it in grasses to make it light more easily, then sat on the ground and clicked the rocks together. Sparks flew from the stones and ignited the dry grasses after a few tries. Yugi set the stones aside and blew gently until the fire began, and though the wood should have been too green to burn well, soon there he had a nice fire going. 

“Um, are you going to cook the fish?” Tristan asked, still holding it in both paws.

“Yes…” Yugi said, looking up at him. Joey, too, gave him an odd look.

Tristan looked uncomfortable. “Well… I AM a lion.”

“Oh, gross,” Joey said. “You want to eat that raw?”

“I am a lion!” Tristan repeated, and again there was the sound of growling beneath his words. 

“It’s okay, Tristan,” Yugi said. “If you’ll just give part to me, you can eat it raw, I don’t care.”

Tristan looked mollified and he split the fish in half with ease. Yugi felt a little queasy at that, but knew he had to eat, so he accepted half and speared it on a broken piece of branch, setting it up beside the fire to cook. Tristan, still holding his raw half, turned around to face away and ate it. Toto ran up, then stood beside the fire, watching the fish, tail wagging. Yugi settled himself to wait on the fish, noting that Kaiba was still chopping tirelessly at the trunk, which was now in four long, thick slices. He might even have been enjoying himself, as far as Yugi knew; he was a Tin Woodsman here.

Joey had edged away by the time Yugi looked back, and he caught him staring mistrustfully at the fire.

“What’s the matter, Joey?”

“I don’t like the looks of that,” Joey said. “Fire and straw don’t mix well.”

“They mix perfectly,” Kaiba said. “Get nearer and you’ll see.”

“Just keep chopping, Kaiba.”

Yugi watched the fish, which cooked through quickly, and he was glad to remove it from the fire and blow on it to cool it. Soon enough it had cooled off enough to eat, and he tore off a big slice to feed to Toto, who wolfed it down gratefully. Yugi ate the rest of it, then looked west toward the setting sun. Kaiba was chopping industriously, but the raft wouldn’t be finished before dark, and he resigned himself to spending another night. He lay down beside the fire, Toto curling up with him and Tristan on the other side of the fire, doubting that he would wake up this time from his dream if he hadn’t the previous time.

And he was right. When he opened his eyes, it was to the rising sun above and dew-damp grass beneath his body. Tristan was still snoozing on the other side of the fire, which had burned itself out to ashes, curled up in a ball. Joey was standing where he’d been before Yugi had fallen asleep, watching over them. 

Yugi sat up and stretched. He saw Toto was already up, sniffing at the raft by the river edge that Kaiba had apparently completed overnight. It was made of eight roughly chopped logs, the top half more or less flat. All eight logs were lashed together with what looked like vines. Kaiba himself was standing a short distance away, axe on the ground beside him, watching the river.

“Oh, good, you’re up,” Joey said. “Standing here all night is borin’, Yug’. Let’s get to Oz, okay?”

“I’d be happy to.” Yugi climbed to his feet and stretched again. “Tristan?”

Joey bent, reached down, and grabbed Tristan’s tail, which he yanked. “Wake up, T.”

Tristan lifted his head, glaring with golden-brown eyes. “Let go of the tail, Joey.”

Joey let go, but nudged Tristan with one foot. “Get up. Kaiba finished the raft.”

Tristan stretched out catlike, both arms in front of him along the ground, yawning so broadly that all of his sharp teeth were revealed. He got to his feet, then stretched out each leg behind him one at a time, like a cat. Joey grinned, but wisely made no comment, and Yugi turned to Kaiba and the raft.

“Thank you for making that, Kaiba,” he said. 

Kaiba grunted, then reached down and grabbed the raft. With inhuman strength, he hauled the raft down to the edge of the water, letting half of it splash into the river.

“Be careful, Kaiba,” Yugi said. “If you get wet, you’ll rust.”

Kaiba glared, letting the raft go and straightening up, folding his arms. Joey grinned, walking forward menacingly. Kaiba watched him without moving.

“Try it, Wheeler, and you’ll be the kindling for the next cook fire.”

Joey laughed and stopped, then turned to Yugi. “Come on, pal, let’s go.”

Yugi had to relieve himself again, but at least there was water to wash with this time. He went down the river until he was hidden from view by a clump of bushes, took care of business, entirely undressed and had a rather unpleasant wash in the cold water, then dried up with the remains of the basket cloth, redressed, and joined the party again. Tristan was just coming out of the trees well up the grassy knoll, and Toto was running around as usual, but Joey and Kaiba were waiting in silent stillness, as usual. 

“Hey, Yug’, isn’t there some Wicked Witch of the West or something?” Joey asked as the five of them pushed the raft into the water and clambered aboard, Kaiba very carefully not getting a part of him wet despite his bravado earlier. “The East Witch’s sister or something?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Have you seen her yet? Doesn’t she turn up right when you--I mean Dorothy--kill the Wicked Witch of the East at the beginning of the movie?”

“But the dream me seems to be mixing up the book and the movie together,” Yugi said. “She doesn’t meet the West Witch until…” But Yugi couldn’t remember. “Sometime later, anyway.”

“I think you’re right, Yug’. Look, your shoes are silver.”

Yugi looked down, and sure enough, his glittering shoes were as silvery as mirrors. His subconscious had changed the color as he ‘remembered’ the differences of the storylines. Would other things change? That would make it harder to predict what would happen next.

“Let’s just hurry to the Emerald City,” Yugi said.

Kaiba had broken off three long branches to use as guiding poles. He, Yugi, and Tristan used the poles to push against the river bottom and guide the raft out into the middle, while Joey held Toto to keep the frightened little terrier from jumping off and swimming for it. The dog tried to bite him, but he felt nothing, and eventually it seemed to realize he was a friend and relaxed. 

The raft was guided easily out onto the river, but as soon as they were a distance out, it became obvious that the current was swifter than they had thought. Despite their best efforts, the raft began to glide down the river. Then Yugi lost his pole when it stuck in the mud in the river bottom, nearly dragging him off the raft before he could let go. The raft pitched as Yugi stumbled and fell to his knees. Joey fell over, sending Toto into a yapping frenzy, though the Scarecrow kept his grip on the dog, and Kaiba and Tristan managed to keep their footing, but Tristan soon lost his pole as well. The raft was picking up speed as it got closer to the center of the river, and the yellow brick road was out of sight now. 

“What do we do?” Joey cried. “We’re going too far!”

“Thanks for that brilliant observation, Wheeler! Tristan, do you think you’d be strong enough to swim across and drag the raft with you?”

Tristan looked over at Kaiba, then at the river, assessing. “Maybe. But how would I pull it?”

Kaiba tossed his useless pole down onto the raft. “Get in and start swimming. We’ll hang onto your tail and you’ll pull us across.”

“Okay…”

Tristan jumped off nearly before Kaiba could grab his tail. His leap sent the raft pitching again, knocking Kaiba off his feet, but thankfully he landed on his side on the raft, Tristan’s tail still clutched in his tin fist. Tristan came up, spluttering, then started stroking furiously for the edge of the river. Joey let Toto go and scrambled over to the other side of the raft, clutching the edge as he lowered himself into the water. He kicked, struggling to help Tristan propel the raft out of the current and to the other side.

Little by little, the pair of them managed to drag the raft out of the current and into stiller water. Yugi quickly grabbed up Kaiba’s pole and started pushing, helping them move the raft to the edge, where they scrambled up onto shore, coming out at the foot of a tall hill. Tristan, soaked and exhausted, collapsed in the grass, panting from the exertion. Joey, not tired at all, legged up the hill to see where they were. Yugi settled down, tired out himself. Toto ran up to Tristan and licked his nose, which made Tristan sneeze. 

Joey came back down. “I can’t see the road. We went real far.”

“We’re not lost,” Kaiba said. “The river flowed northeast, so the road is southwest of us. If we just walk along the riverbank back the way we came, we’ll find it again.”

“Yeah, but what’s between us and it?” Joey asked. 

They would have to find out. Once Tristan had recovered himself, they started along the riverbank. Yugi was so hungry by this time that it was as if he had never had the fish at all, and Tristan’s stomach was growling as loud as any snarl from him. Yugi’s problem was easily solved, as they soon came upon some fruit trees, but Tristan, who was a lion at least partially, needed meat. 

“I still say eat the dog,” Kaiba said as they walked, Yugi trying to eat his fruit quickly so as not to drag it out in front of Tristan too long. 

“He hasn’t done anything to you,” Yugi said. “Look, he’s walking quietly beside me.”

“He has no heart, Yug’,” Joey said. “Literally. Hey! Tristan, look, a rabbit!”

Sure enough, a rabbit was sitting on the ground beneath a tree. Tristan didn’t so much as pause to consider; he suddenly bounded forward on all fours after the rabbit, which saw him coming and dashed away into the bushes. Tristan crashed after it. Yugi, very sorry to see the poor rabbit die, winced when a terrible animal scream arose from the bushes. Tristan had his dinner. 

“Ugh,” Joey said. “I’m glad I’m not hungry now. He’s eatin’ that thing raw.”

“Thank you for reminding me,” Yugi said, feeling green. 

Toto went into the bushes, probably drawn by the scent of blood, but Tristan, unseen, snarled at him and he came running back out, yelping. 

“Not a sharer, I guess,” Joey remarked.

They were still walking, knowing that Tristan would catch up. Yugi picked up the little dog and tried to comfort him, but frightened, angry, and hungry, he wouldn’t stop squirming and whining. Yugi, desperate, searched in his basket, and was glad to find a small piece of cheese still there, turned hard, but edible for the dog, who took the small morsel gratefully. Afterwards, though surely not full, he settled down to be carried, leaving Yugi to wonder if the cheese had always been there, or if he had put it there by wishing it.

Tristan joined them not long after, falling into step with them without mentioning the rabbit and none of them brought it up either. 

Before long, they crested another hill, and the scenery opened up onto a great field of blood-red flowers. The ground was carpeted with them for a great distance, from the edge of the river to the horizon in the north, the great blooms nodding lightly in the soft breeze. Beneath the blazing light of the sun, the flowers almost seemed to shine. 

The party walked down the hill towards the field of flowers, having no choice but to tread through the enormous natural flowerbed on the way back to the yellow brick road. As they walked, Yugi wondered why he had a feeling of disquiet. What was so alarming about a field of flowers? At least he wasn’t the only one.

“Flowers…” Joey said musingly. “Hey, Kaiba, you remember these flowers in the book?”

“I told you, I didn’t read it,” Kaiba snapped back. He paused. “But I do seem to remember something about them.”

“What kind are they?” Tristan asked. The party had crossed into them, and the air was scented with the heavy, spicy perfume of the blooms. “They smell nice.”

“Starts with a p, don’t it?” Joey asked. 

“Poppies,” Yugi said, the word coming to mind suddenly. “A field of poppies.”

Speaking of mind, his was beginning to feel fuzzy. It had to be the heavy scent of the flowers, the long journey, and the bright sunshine, but he was beginning to feel sleepy. He yawned, Toto and the basket each beginning to feel like they weighed fifty pounds. He stooped and put Toto down. 

“Man,” Tristan said. He yawned. “That trip across the river must have worn me out more than I thought, because I’m dead tired.”

They crested another hill among the poppies, and there before them was the yellow brick road, still some distance away, curving toward them before continuing on straight ahead of them, and further in the distance, rising above yet another hill, was a great and shining tower of bright green.

“The Emerald City!” Yugi cried. 

“Finally,” Kaiba growled.

“About time,” Joey agreed. “Yug’, your subconscious could really use a car. Yug’?”

Yugi realized he was on the ground. He hadn’t even realized he had settled down, but now he was on his side amid the flowers. He really was so tired. His head was swimming. Even Toto was worn out-- he was already asleep a few feet from where Yugi lay.

“I’m sorry,” he said faintly. “But I’m really tired. Let’s rest a bit.”

“Rest? But we’re almost there!” Joey cried. 

“Rest sounds good,” Yugi heard Tristan say. A heavy thud heralded the lion laying down. 

“It’s the poppies,” Kaiba’s voice said, further away now than ever. “They’re poison.”

“Poison!” Joey exclaimed. “We have to get them out of here! Hurry, Kaiba, help me.”

“We can’t carry them,” Kaiba responded. He almost sounded like he was whispering to Yugi now, his voice was so faint. “You’re too weak made of straw to lift even Yugi up, and I can’t lift them both myself.”

“Damn it! Yug’, wake up. Please wake up, come on. Just ‘til we’re out of the poppies, then I swear you can lay down again if you want.”

Yugi tried to reply, but his tongue seemed glued to the bottom of his mouth. He couldn’t keep his eyes open and in fact they were already closed. 

“Wait!” Joey’s voice again, partially rousing Yugi. “Something saves them, right? Doesn’t it? What was it?”

“In the movie, snow from the good witch,” Kaiba said. “In the book… field mice, I think.”

“Doesn’t matter, one of them has to come. Hang on, Yug’.”

‘If it’s a dream, it doesn’t matter,’ Yugi tried to say. But did it? Falling asleep in the dream hadn’t woken him. 

Would dying?

It was cold now. He must be dying, for he was getting very cold. 

“Snow!” Joey’s voice was suddenly there again. “It’s snowing!”

Snowing? Then they had been rescued. Yugi felt his senses returning to him, quickly, as the snow covered him. The spicy scent of the poppies was receding. After a moment, he was able to open his eyes, and then to sit up. A few feet away, Tristan, snow clinging to his mane, was sitting up. Toto had gotten to his feet and now he shook himself vigorously. 

The snowfall stopped as suddenly as it had begun. The snow began to melt under the sunshine and Yugi quickly got to his feet. They would have to get out of the poppy field before the snow melted entirely and the poppies began to spread their fragrance again.

“That was a close one,” Joey said in relief. 

“Being done in by flowers,” Tristan said darkly. “How embarrassing.”

They hurried across the poppy field towards the road and the Emerald City in the distance, the snow melting around them. Yugi could feel the coolness of water trickling along his skin and making his bangs stick to his forehead. Thankfully they were clear of the poppies before the returning scent of the blooms could make them tired again, and they paused to catch their breaths once out in the green grass again. Yugi bent double, hands on his thighs, panting in lungs of clean, fresh air. He was already warm and dry again, the magic snow gone as quickly as it had come. 

“Uh-oh,” Tristan said.

Yugi looked up. Tristan pointed at Kaiba, who stood behind Yugi at the edge of the poppy field. He wasn’t moving.

“He rusted,” Joey said. He gave a shout of laughter. “The snow melted and rusted him!”

Kaiba said nothing. Yugi hurriedly dug into his basket for the oilcan, glad he still had it with him. He hurried to Kaiba, squirting oil into his frozen joints while Joey brayed laughter behind him. Tristan was the one who got Kaiba’s upper half this time, as Joey was laughing too hard. When Kaiba came to life, he glared at Joey angrily and brandished the axe.

“You need another fire, Yugi?” he asked. 

“Please, let’s just go,” Yugi begged. “The City is right there, we’re almost out of here.”

Kaiba lowered the axe reluctantly. Joey turned away from him grudgingly, the group beginning the final leg of their journey to the Emerald City. As they walked, Yugi stared at the towers of bright green rising above the landscape. His memory was still a little fuzzy about the Wizard of Oz from so long ago, but if he remembered correctly, the Wizard was actually just a man, a man from Kansas or some other state close by in America, who had come to Oz just like Dorothy. He wasn’t really a Wizard at all. 

The group entered the city about an hour later, greeted by a bustling city where everything was green. The roads except for the yellow brick were green, the houses were green, even the clothes of the people were green. The people stood watching them as they passed, neither greeting them nor appearing hostile, just watching. Yugi and his friends continued walking down the path, until it ended at a tall, green gate. Yugi remembered this part, the Gatekeeper. 

Yugi grabbed the bell pull and pulled. The bell rang loudly. After only a second, a round hole opened up in the gate door and a man in green with a handlebar mustache leaned out.

“Who rang that bell?!” he demanded in a annoying, screechy voice.

“I did,” Yugi answered.

“Can’t you read the sign?!”

“What sign?” Yugi looked around with the others, but the gate door was blank.

“Why, it’s as plain as the nose on my face!” He leaned out further to point, right at an empty hook. He did a double take, then, clearly befuddled, grumbled under his breath and disappeared back into the gate. He reappeared a minute later, holding a sign that he hung up on the hook, then slammed the porthole shut. 

The sign read, “Bell out of order, please knock.”

Yugi exchanged looks with Joey, who rolled his eyes. Yugi reached up and grabbed the large doorknocker, slamming it a couple of times against the gate door. The porthole opened again and the man leaned out again. Now his demeanor was more cheerful.

“Well, now, that’s more like it!” He paused, then frowned at Yugi. “Young man, are you wearing a dress?”

“Yes,” Yugi said with a sigh.

The man coughed, then smiled. “Ah, now, tell me your business!”

“We’re here to see the Wizard, please,” Yugi said.

The man faulted. “The Wizard! No one can see the Great Oz! No one has ever seen the Great Oz, even I’ve never seen him!”

“Then how do you know there is one?” Kaiba asked in annoyance.

The man stuttered, “Well, now, that’s…. Look, don’t waste my time!” He started to close the porthole.

“Please, sir,” Yugi said. “I have to see the Wizard. The Witch of the North sent me here.”

“The Witch of the North?” The man leaned closer, peering at Yugi’s forehead. But he still looked skeptical. “Prove it.”

“He’s wearing the ruby slippers,” Joey said, pointing down. 

Yugi stepped back, feeling ridiculous, showing the gatekeeper the shoes on his feet. The gatekeeper leaned out, looking down at the shoes, then nodded. “So, they are. Well, now that’s a horse of a different color!”

Yugi sighed inwardly, but at least the gate was opening. The walked in and found themselves inside the Emerald City. Everything was green, the buildings, the furniture, the clothes of the citizens, and the upholstery on the buggy awaiting them just inside. Another man sat in the driver’s seat, holding the reins of a white horse. 

“All aboard,” the man said.

Yugi glanced at his friends, then scooped up Toto and climbed into the carriage. The rest climbed in behind him and they started off, the driver flicking the reins of the horse. As it started walking forward, abruptly it was purple. The driver saw Joey staring and smiled. “Meet the Horse of a Different Color. There’s only one of them, and he’s it! He’s the Horse of a Different Color you’ve heard tell about.”

The horse continued along the yellow brick road towards the Emerald Palace before them, turning red, and then yellow. It was blue when it pulled up to the gates of the palace itself. The carriage driver pulled up and then stopped the horse, which turned green just in time to stop before the emerald green Palace. Yugi thanked him as the group disembarked. He saw that a great deal of the Emerald City’s denizens had followed along, catching up just as the group was getting out of the carriage. Now they seemed friendlier, for they were all smiling.

A loud bang made everyone gasp and look around. Then people started pointing up into the air. Yugi looked up, in time to see what looked like a human figure riding something through the sky, darting in patterns. 

“It’s the Witch!” someone screamed. “The Wicked Witch of the West!”

The Witch was twisting back and forth through the air, and trailing behind her was thick, black smoke. She was much too far away to see, but the smoke patterns she was making were easier to see, and they soon formed words.

SURRENDER, YUGI!

“W-Who’s that?” Tristan stammered.

“The Witch of the West, didn’t you hear?” Kaiba said scathingly.

People in the crowd were beginning to jabber in fear. But a man at the gates, dressed in a very formal uniform, raised his voice to be heard. “Everything is all right! The Great and Powerful Oz has things well in hand. You can all go home; there’s nothing to worry about!”

The Witch had disappeared. Clearly relieved, the city’s population began to disperse. The guard turned to the group, which Yugi led up the steps to the doors. 

“Stop. Orders are, no one sees the wizard. Not nobody, not no how.”

“Please,” Yugi said. “It’s important.”

“Not nobody, not no how,” the guard said more harshly.

“But he’s Yugi,” Joey said. “The North Witch sent him.”

“The Witch’s Yugi? Well, that changes things. Wait right here.”

They waited, and the guard soon came back. With good news. “The Wizard says, ‘Go away.’”

Shocked, Yugi fell completely silent. How could he be stopped in his own dream? Joey, angry, tried to argue with the guard, but the man wouldn’t budge. Yugi slowly sat down on the steps, horrified. How would he be able to wake up now if he couldn’t finish the dream?

“Hey, Yug’, it’s okay,” Joey said, sitting down next to him and putting his hand on his shoulder. “It’s just a dream, right? You’ll wake up sometime.”

“I want to wake up now,” Yugi said. “This is ridiculous. I came all this way, we did, and we can’t even see the Wizard! I want to wake up. I want to go home.”

“Hey, now, don’t be upset,” the guard said. 

Yugi looked up. The guard fidgeted and then said, “Come on in. I’ll get you to see the Wizard somehow.”

Yugi stood up, smiling broadly and the man smiled back. He stepped back, reaching to push open the double doors, revealing a long, arched hallway that was of course green. It stretched on out of sight, dimly lit. The guard waved them to come forward, then began leading the way down the passageway. Yugi followed after him, Toto running along beside him while Joey, Kaiba, and Tristan followed. Ahead of them, the passageway dead-ended on a pair of great green doors, half-shrouded in shadows.

The guard had them stop before these doors while he slipped through a small, man-sized door off to the side. Left alone in the long, forbidding hall, the silence was oppressive.

“You know what, guys?” Tristan suddenly said. “This really is Yugi’s mission, you know. It’s his dream and all. I think I’d better wait for you outside.”

“What’s the matter?” Joey asked.

“He’s just scared,” Kaiba said nastily.

“Tristan, we have to go in,” Yugi said. “That’s the way it goes.”

Tristan gave him a dirty look. Joey nudged Tristan lightly in the arm. “Come on, T. He’s right, we have to do it.”

The double doors in front of them suddenly banged and creaked, then began to creep open. The guard must have gotten the Wizard to agree to an audience. Relieved, but nervous despite knowing it was a dream, Yugi grabbed Joey’s arm and pulled him with him. Joey came with him, Kaiba clanking behind them, and Tristan bringing up the rear. The doors had opened up onto a massive chamber, full of shadows and flickering green light. Heart thudding, Yugi walked forward with Joey close at his side, and Toto walking close at his other side. This dream could so easily become a nightmare.

Ahead of them was what looked like a dais on which sat a throne. A figure was sitting on the throne, which was different from the giant head and flames of the movie, if Yugi remembered, but maybe this was in the book. If only he could remember more clearly! But that was time for you, inside and out of dreams.

“Come forward,” a deep, resounding voice demanded from the throne.

Yugi’s mouth dropped open. He hurried forward, excited.

“Yami!”

Sure enough, sitting regally on the throne was Yami. He was wearing a green robe and was green himself. His skin was pale green, his hair three shades of green, and his normally bright crimson eyes instead an equally dazzling emerald. Why he was green himself, Yugi didn’t know, but the effect was interesting.

“Hello, Aibou,” Yami said softly. “This is quite the situation you’ve put us in, isn’t it?” His eyes ran up and down Yugi’s body and he raised an eyebrow, looking amused.

Yugi flushed. “I’m sorry. Can you send me home?” 

“No.”

“Why not?” Yugi cried. 

“All you have to do is tell him to click the stupid shoes together, right?” Joey said.

“No. Is it the Wizard who tells Dorothy to click the shoes in the story?”

Yami knew all about the dream just like everyone else did, and all about the story because of his connection to Yugi. And Joey, Tristan, and Kaiba didn’t make any comments about Yami’s presence because of the dream as well. 

“No, it’s Glinda, the Witch of the North,” Yugi said despondently. “How do I get her to come here?”

“You have to kill the Wicked Witch of the West first,” Yami said.

Dismayed, Yugi looked up. “The Wicked Witch of the West?”

“Yeah, like in the story,” Joey said. “Hey, Yug’, it’s your dream!”

But how could it be a dream if Yugi knew it was a dream? This wasn’t going like he wanted at all. Maybe it had turned into a nightmare. Well, there was nothing for it. 

“Okay. How do we get to the Witch’s Castle?”

“Through the Haunted Forest,” Yami said casually.

“Haunted Forest?!” Tristan exclaimed. “You’ve got to be kidding! Yugi, can’t you just wish Glinda here or something?”

“I wish I could.”

“We don’t have a choice,” Kaiba said. “So let’s just get it over with. Kill the witch, bring the broomstick, and whatever else.”

Yugi nodded, turning away from Yami. “Right. Let’s go.”

“Ah, jeez,” Joey muttered.

“Can’t Yami give us something to help?” Tristan asked. “He’s a Wizard, isn’t he?”

“There’s nothing he can do to help us,” Yugi said. “He’s not, Oz isn’t, a real Wizard.”

“Well, if there’s really nothing else we can do…” Tristan said, in a way that made it obvious he hoped someone would come up with another solution.

No one did. Yami told them the way and they were off. 

The Haunted Forest was every bit as creepy as the name implied. It was dark, with ragged, twisted trees. Strange animal noises sounded constantly and red, shining eyes winked in and out of sight among the shadows. The group walked close together through the woods, following the ill-kept, barely visible path until they came to a crooked sign. 

“’Haunted Forest, Witch’s Castle, 1 mile,’” Yugi read from the top of two planks nailed to the post.

“’I’d turn back if I were you,’’ Joey read from the bottom.

“Maybe we ought to do what it says,” Tristan said, starting to turn away.

Joey grabbed him and spun him back around. “Come on, you scaredy cat. Don’t run away with your tail between your legs.”

Tristan gave him a dirty look. Joey grinned unrepentantly at the jokes, then looked at Yugi.

“Okay, Yug’, we’re almost there.”

“Yeah.”

“And here are the Flying Monkeys,” Kaiba remarked.

Yugi looked up. Through the trees, in the sky orange-purple-black with the setting sun, were the silhouettes of figures with wings coming rapidly toward them. Kaiba raised his axe, but Yugi gasped in horror. Tristan let out a wail and Toto started barking. 

“Aw, hell!” Joey yelped.

The Monkeys descended. Yugi tried to run along with Joey and Tristan while Kaiba swung his axe like a baseball player lining up a ball. The Monkey he aimed at dodged and another came in behind him, grabbing him. Another grabbed his arm and both of them lifted him up into the air. They dropped him and he landed with a metallic crash. Meanwhile three more Monkeys grabbed Joey, knocking him flat and jumping up and down on him, screeching. Tristan jumped into a bush, just dodging a Winged Monkey that had dived at him. Yugi tried to run himself, but two Monkeys swooped down and grabbed him under the arms, lifting him up. Yugi kicked and struggled, but he was borne up easily, and soon was far too high to want to be dropped. 

The Monkeys flew him through the chilly night air, the two holding him quickly joined by dozens more, all chattering and screeching incessantly over the beating of their wings. Yugi kicked uselessly, but there was nothing he could do. He could only watch as dark, twisted woods passed a hundred feet below him. 

“Where are you taking me?” he asked the Monkeys, but he wasn’t surprised none of them answered.

The flight through the cold, dark air was thankfully short, but Yugi saw that the Monkeys were taking him to the Wicked Witch’s castle. It loomed on the top of a great, jagged rock, gray and forbidding. Patrolling around the premises were green-skinned men in black uniforms with large black hats-- the soldiers of the Witch. 

The Monkeys flew Yugi to the tallest of the towers and into an open window. He was deposited on the cold stone floor, the Monkeys hopping around him, screeching, before taking off again through the window. Yugi saw to his surprise that the Monkeys had stolen Toto, too. The little black dog came running to him as soon as the Monkey holding him let go. Yugi bent and picked him up, then looked around. The Monkeys were gone, though Yugi could still hear their screeches from outside. The room he was in appeared to be empty. A round stone room, it consisted simply of a bare stone floor, walls, and ceiling, a low wooden table with a wooden chair, and an hour glass full of red sand. The hourglass struck a chord with Yugi, but he couldn’t remember exactly what it was for. 

Where was the Witch? Why wasn’t she here to greet Yugi and demand the silver shoes? Was there some different scene from the book he wasn’t remembering?

Toto started squirming and barking in his arms. Yugi looked down at him, then at the door, wondering if Toto sensed the Witch or someone else coming.

It turned out someone else. A guard, green-faced, dressed in black, holding a wicked spear, opened the heavy wooden door. Immediately, Toto jumped out of his arms and ran forward, barking. The tiny black dog dodged around the guard, who tried to stab him with the spear and missed. 

“Run, Toto!” Yugi cried. “Get the others!”

The guard, having made a mistake, was quick to not make another one. He glared at Yugi and immediately shut the door with a heavy slam. Left alone again, Yugi hurried to the window, watching. Toto appeared, running across the courtyard and then through the gate, pursued by guards who threw spears at him and missed. To Yugi’s relief, the dog escaped, disappearing into the dark woods surrounding the castle. Maybe he would be able to find Joey, Kaiba, and Tristan and bring them back here.

But then what?

There had to be something Yugi could do to help himself escape. Never mind the movie, this was his dream, wasn’t it? He didn’t have to sit quietly and wait to be rescued just because Dorothy had.

Though there didn’t seem to be many options, Yugi noted when he looked around again. There was nothing but the table, chair, and hourglass in the room. There wasn’t even a rug or a tapestry. There was only the one narrow, arched window overlooking the Haunted Forest. It was far too much of a drop for Yugi to risk jumping, and the walls were too steep to try climbing down. 

Sighing, Yugi settled down in the chair. And he was left to ponder what dying in a dream he couldn’t wake from meant in real life.

******

A heavy wooden crack brought Yugi back to his surroundings. He’d literally zoned out, bored despite himself with the plain confines, silence, and loneliness. Where was that Witch?

But now there was the sound of something heavy being smashed into the wooden door. Yugi got to his feet, watching the door, and saw a shining axe blade appear in the wood, accompanied by another crack.

“Kaiba!” Yugi called, delighted. Toto had brought the group back.

The axe head disappeared and then reappeared as Kaiba swung it at the door again. With some aggressive chopping, Kaiba broke the door down and Joey rushed through. He was dressed in the uniform of the guards, as was Kaiba and Tristan when Yugi saw them. They must have ambushed a group and stolen their uniforms to sneak in.

“Yugi, you okay?” Joey asked. “Hey, where’s the Witch?”

“No idea,” Yugi said. “She hasn’t shown up at all.”

“What a second, ain’t she supposed to be wanting those silver shoes? What the hell, Yug’, why are you dreaming all this stuff wrong?”

“I can’t control it!” Yugi said for the umpteenth time.

“How are we supposed to get her broomstick if she don’t show?” Joey demanded. “I’ll find her myself. Where is that Witch?”

“Looking for me, Scarecrow?”

A plume of maroon smoke appeared in the city of the room, and when it dissipated, the Witch stood there. She, too, was familiar.

“Tea?” Yugi demanded incredulously.

Tea, her face green and her hair black, but otherwise looking exactly like herself dressed up as a Witch, gave Yugi a dirty look. “Why am *I* the Wicked Witch?” she demanded. “Why aren’t I the good Witch of the North or whatever, Yugi?”

“I don’t know,” Yugi said. “It’s just a dream.”

Tea looked at him strangely, her eyes looking down. “Why are you in a dress?”

“It’s just a dream,” Yugi repeated impatiently. His annoyance deepened when Tea giggled.

“Hey, if the Witch is Tea, then we don’t have to fight,” Joey said cheerfully. “She can just give us the broomstick and we’ll take it back to Oz.”

“Think again,” Tea said. “How about a little fire, Joey?”

She raised her hand, in which sprouted a fireball. She threw the ball at Joey, which ignited his arm, making him cry out in surprise. He started waving his arm frantically, yelping. 

“What the hell?!” Tristan screeched at Tea. “You’re our friend!”

“Not here,” Tea said simply. “Blame Yugi.”

“Help me!” Joey yelled, beating ineffectually at his burning arm.

“I’ll cut if off,” Kaiba offered, raising the axe. 

“WHAT?!”

Yugi looked around anxiously, sure that there was a bucket of water randomly in the room during this part of the movie… Yes! There was, and again he wasn’t sure if it had always been there or had appeared because he wished it. He didn’t care. He grabbed the bucket and swung it, splashing Joey’s burning arm. The water put it out. 

“Thanks,” Joey gasped in relief. “Cut it off,” he added angrily at Kaiba, who shrugged. 

“Wasn’t the water supposed to melt the Wicked Witch?” Tristan asked, hanging back the furthest from Tea, his tail in his hands as he twirled the tuft nervously. 

Yugi’s toss had missed Tea completely. She backed up several paces from the splash of water on the floor. Tristan yelped and hurried further into the room from the doorway, from which suddenly poured several of the green-faced guards, baring their spears and snarling. Yugi’s dream was spiraling out of control. 

“What are we gonna do?” Joey asked. “Tea’s our friend, we can’t kill her.”

“Why not?” Kaiba asked. 

Tea glared, raising her hand, and smiled. “You might have saved Joey this time, Yugi, but--”

Yugi cut her off by stepping forward and swinging the bucket again. The rest of the water in the bucket arced out and splashed Tea right in the face. She looked shocked for a second, then screamed.

“What have you done?!” she shrieked. “I’m melting!”

She was, beginning to shrink, her black robes billowing around her. Everyone stood still, watching as Tea shrank and shrank, dissolving, until nothing remained on the stone floor but her smoking robes and witch’s hat. Toto sniffed curiously at the empty robes. 

“Yug’,” Joey whispered. “You killed Tea.”

“It’s just a dream,” Yugi said calmly, setting the empty bucket down on the floor. 

“Yeah… but…”

Yugi stooped down and picked up the broomstick. “Okay, we got the broomstick. Let’s go back to Yami and give it to him.”

Joey, Tristan, and Kaiba were all staring at him, all of them, even Kaiba, looking shocked and disturbed. Yugi knew what he’d done was callous, but it was just a dream. He hadn’t really hurt Tea, he knew that, or he never would have thrown the water at her, never mind what she’d done to Joey. But now it was over and done with and they had the broomstick.

The green-faced guards were still in the room, but as they looked up at Yugi, they smiled and lowered their spears.

“The Wicked Witch is dead!” one exclaimed. “You killed her. Hail Yugi! The Wicked Witch is dead!”

It was time to return to the Emerald City. The broomstick was theirs, the other Wicked Witch was dead, and Glinda would show up and send Yugi home. And awake from the dream.

******

The journey back to the Emerald City was uneventful, though Yugi noted that Joey, Tristan, and Kaiba seemed odd around him. He knew his unflinching killing of Tea had shocked them all, but they were figments of the dream. None of them would remember it in the real world, and Yugi was content in the knowledge that he hadn’t really hurt anyone. 

Back at the palace, Yami was still sitting on the throne. The whole ‘man behind the curtain’ scene didn’t seem to be a part of this. Ah, dream logic. Yugi would be glad to be free of it.

“We brought you the broom,” Yugi said, setting down on the step in front of Yami’s throne. “The Wicked Witch of the West is dead, everyone’s free, so now send me home.”

“There’s still nothing I can do about that,” Yami said, standing up. “Not for you. But I can for the others.”

“What?”

“The brains, the heart, and the courage,” Yami reminded him. 

Yugi sighed. Yami gave him a sympathetic smile, but turned to Joey, who flushed.

“Hey, I have brains,” he said, sounding defensive. 

“Of course you do,” Yami said. “You have all along.”

“Oh, gods,” Kaiba groaned. 

“After all, you’re a Duelist, and a good one,” Yami said, ignoring Kaiba. “And it’s a game of strategy, which takes brains to play.”

“I know,” Joey said in annoyance. “Oh, Yug’, you’re damn lucky this is a dream, pal, or I’d kill you for this.”

“You have plenty of courage, Tristan,” Yami said, and Yugi wondered if he was compelled to play his part. “You’re always there with us, fighting the people who want my Puzzle and take over the world.”

“That’s true,” Tristan said, brightening.

“And, Kaiba--”

“Will you just shut up?”

Yami smiled, and he looked like he was enjoying himself. He tilted his head, his smile narrowing into a thoughtful look. “And you do have a heart, Kaiba.”

“Let me deny that by shutting you up with this axe,” Kaiba said, hefting it. 

Yami ignored him again. He turned to Yugi. “And now, Aibou, it is time to go home.”

Yugi blinked in surprise. “I thought you said you couldn’t help me.”

Yami merely looked at him. Yugi frowned uncertainly.

“O…kay. How are we getting home?”

“In the movie and story both, the Wizard came to Oz in a hot air balloon,” Kaiba said, lowering his axe.

“You totally read the story, Kaiba, admit it,” Joey said.

Kaiba refused to acknowledge him. Yugi stared at Yami.

“You have a hot air balloon?”

“It’s your dream.”

“Oh.” Yugi frowned, then shrugged. “Okay, if that’s what it takes to wake up.”

Yami merely looked at him again. Yugi frowned, but turned to the others.

“Well, I guess this goodbye, kind of.”

“About time, too,” Kaiba snapped.

“Hey, Yugi, don’t forget to tell us all about it when you wake up,” Tristan said with a grin, his tail whipping back and forth happily. “So we can tease you for months.”

Yugi pulled a face. “Never.” He looked down at the blue gingham dress and the shining silver shoes. “I want to forget all about this.”

Joey and Tristan laughed. Kaiba glared impatiently. Yugi turned to Yami.

“Okay, let’s go. Please, I really want to wake up.”

Yami turned and led him across the room to a side door. Joey, Tristan, and Kaiba followed along. Through the door was a courtyard and moored with ropes was a hot air balloon, already filled and floating a few inches above the ground. An entire crowd of green-clothed people stood, watching. Yami crossed to the balloon and opened the basket’s door, climbing inside like he’d been doing it all his life. Marveling at the utter absurdity of dreams, Yugi scooped up Toto and hurried in after him, Toto in his arms.

“Finally,” he said. “We can go.”

Kaiba cut the ropes with his axe save for one tether, which Joey started to untie. Yugi leaned over the edge of the basket, ready to watch Oz drift away, along with this crazy dream, and to wake up in his own bed, in his own clothes. 

Toto squirmed in his arms. A cat was in the arms of a woman in the crowd. Toto wriggled out of Yugi’s arms and jumped from the basket. The cat got out of its owners arms and disappeared into the crowd, Toto on its tail, yapping away.

“Toto!” Yugi opened the door to the basket and climbed out.

“Yug’, wait, what are you doing?” Joey yelled. “I untied the basket!”

Yugi looked up just in time to see the basket rising, already ten feet in the air. Horrified, he yelled to Yami.

“Come back!”

“I can’t,” Yami said simply. “This was never your way home anyway, Aibou. You know that.”

The basket did leave Dorothy in the movie, too. Yugi had forgotten. But that didn’t stop him from being mad.

“Damn it, I wanted this dream to end already!” he said.

“Glinda’s coming, ain’t she?” Joey said. “To tell you about clicking the shoes.”

“There she is,” Tristan said, pointing.

The little woman in white was walking up. Toto came running back to Yugi, whimpering. Yugi ignored him. He hurried up to the Witch of the North, anxious.

“Quick, I want out of this dream.”

“Yes, dear,” the woman said in the same placating, skeptical tone from before. “But you don’t need my help. You always had the power to go home. But you wouldn’t have believe me if I had told you. You needed to discover it for yourself.”

“Obviously not, or I’d be home already,” Yugi said through gritted teeth.

“Those magic slippers will take you home in two seconds. Toto, too.”

“Toto can stay for all I care,” Yugi said. “He’s just a dream dog. He isn’t real.”

“Yug’, don’t change the script now, or you don’t know what’ll happen,” Joey said. “This dream already ain’t going like it’s supposed to, right?”

Yugi sighed and bent down to scoop up the dog. He restrained himself from squeezing the yappy ball of fur.

“Now, dear, just close your eyes, and tap your heels together three times and say to yourself, ‘There’s no--’”

“No place like home, I know. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me that all damn day.”

The Witch smiled uncertainly. Yugi sighed and thanked her politely, then turned to his friends.

“Okay, I’m going. Joey, Tristan, Kaiba, I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I didn’t mean it.”

“We know, Yug’,” Joey said. 

“You’re a strange person, Yugi,” Kaiba said less graciously.

Yugi smiled ruefully, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He clicked the shoes together three times, murmuring the magic line with each click. 

******

When he had clicked the heels three times, he tentatively opened his eyes. On the early morning sunlight pouring in through his window. He blinked, then hurriedly pushed himself up onto his hands and knees. 

He looked down at himself. He was wearing only boxers. The floor was carpeted, the walls were not wood. There was no dog on the floor or dresses on pegs.

Relieved, Yugi moved to sit on the edge of the bed and scrubbed a hand across his eyes. The Puzzle fell against his bare stomach.

//Good morning, Aibou,// Yami murmured silently in his head.

/Morning, Yami./

//Did you sleep well?//

/I… guess I did. But there’s one thing I know for sure./

//What’s that, Aibou?//

Yugi dropped his hand.

/I am never eating pizza before bed again./

Owari.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this silly little thing. It got in my head and wouldn’t get out again. I know there’s no yaoi-- I wanted to try something different. Don’t let that stop you from enjoying it. Let me know what you think of this comedic oneshot-- please review!


End file.
